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This page was last modified on Wednesday, November 05, 2008 12:06 PM Why does this site exist
For years I have searched for information on how mental illness affects a pastor and his/her ministry. I needed to know how to deal with the times that I felt like I couldn't go on, with a wedding to conduct in two hours. I needed to know how to conduct a funeral when I was manic. I needed to know how to explain the mistakes, the lack of focus and what seemed like a lack of caring. My board wanted to know why in one week I make 20 visits, and for the next two weeks, I didn't make any.
I needed to know that I wasn't alone, that there were others out there in the same position as me. There had to be, but due to the associated stigma, nobody was talking. We needed a place where we could go, and still be anonymous. We needed to pool information and experiences so life isn't so individual and difficult.
I pray that this is that place.
Now, let me share my story. I was diagnosed nearly 15 years ago with bipolar disorder. At the time, I was in manufacturing management, and stayed in that field until I received a very clear call to the ministry in 1996. While I continued to work at my full-time job, I was also on staff part-time at a local church for four years, and then pastored another church (again part-time) for another year. The opportunity presented itself to go into the ministry full-time in 2001, and I resigned my full-time job, and took the leap into ministry full-time.
Now, when I worked in a factory, nobody really cared if you were mentally ill, so long as you could get the parts out the door on time. I didn't really share my illness with anyone, but neither did I try to hide it. The ministry, as I'm certain you know, is an entirely different story. Over the past 12 years, I have done everything I can think of to disguise my symptoms and hide the diagnosis. Actually, I have become fairly creative over the years, and part of this site will deal with helping you navigate these waters.
This is a safe haven where pastors with a mental illness diagnosis, or any other ailment detrimental to your job, can go for peace, camaraderie and sharing. You can use the links to check out sites that will also be beneficial. You will discover ways to deal with your illness, as well as ways to work with it through various means.
I have struggled for years about whether or not to "come out". In my pursuit to find the right answer, I think I've narrowed the necessary questions down to just a few. You might begin by remembering that YOU are the person with the illness. So in this situation, it is just fine to be selfish. Sure, there might be repercussions that effect other people; family, friends, coworkers, employer. But the bottom line is you have to do what is right for you! Period!
Think about it for a second. If you do what is right to benefit another person, and you end up hurting yourself in the process, you are simply trading one problem for another. You would be simply trading pain for pain.
The major reason I recommend this is so you can help yourself. I mean, we need to face facts; this disease isn't going anywhere. We simply need to find ways to live with it that:
- make us feel better about ourselves
- allow us to be productive members of society
- erase the stigma that is waiting on us when we "come out"
- reveal that people with MI can live with it and function in society
I have also discovered that announcing your problems to the world is beneficial to no one. You will feel a little better until you finally realize what you have done. Don't be alarmed, but everyone now sees you through those bipolar goggles you just handed them, and life ... will ... never ... be .... the .... same! Is this fair? No. Is this right? No. Is this just? No. But is just is.
But if your desire is to be a martyr for the cause, then more power to you. I am still not so sure that this isn't the way I will eventually go. For by not coming out, I am basically reinforcing the very stigma that I wish to erase. Through my decision not to act, I am saying that I can do a good job, and people assume that I have a healthy brain, which isn't the case. But what I need to do is show others that, even though I suffer from a mental illness, I can still do a good job and be a productive member of society. In other words:
I come out so others can come in
So easy to say, yet so hard to do, eh?
| Guess Who? (Answer on Page 2)
Hint:
He was born in 1962. He operated an international art-forgery business. He was also a film director and hustler. He spent time in prison because of his art-forgery business. He wrote a book about his life with Bipolar Disorder called "Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania".
NOTE: This book is a real-life, no-holds-barred look at the life of a man deep in the grasp of the bipolar disease. If you want to experience what the bipolar life is really like, this book will do just that, and more! Link to "Electroboy's" Website  | I have created this site using my own experiences. I would like to know how MI affects your life, how you deal with it, and any "tricks of the trade" that you have discovered.
Send to:
BiPolarPastor@yahoo.com
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